I'll be the first to admit that being a stay at home mom or dad isn't going to work out well for everyone. Some people don't thrive on being home with their kids so much, despite being loving, caring parents. But most parents can make staying home with the kids work out for themselves and their family. Here are some tips to help.
1. Work out a routine that works for you.
I'm not so much on the solid daily schedule thing, but it is a good idea to have a basic routine to your day, something you and the kids can count on. If you want a schedule because that's best for you, go for it.
There are times of day when you and your kids will prefer to eat, prefer to play, prefer to take a break, and so on. The better you can accommodate these preferences, the easier your day will usually go. Kids, especially toddlers and preschoolers, really need that routine to be comfortable and won't be happy if you take that away from them. Take advantage of that to ensure that there's time for your needs too.
For many at home parents, this will mean making time to get out of the house and with other adults, probably without the kids. The lack of social time with other adults is one of the hardest parts of being an at home parent. Make sure your routine includes time for you so that you don't feel as though your needs are always neglected.
2. Keep up with your own interests.
No matter how many kids you have at home with you, you aren't just a mom or a dad. You're a person with your own interests, and you should take time for them, whether it's taking a class or working on a hobby.
I consider this a very important example to show your children. They need to see that being a parent is not just about raising kids, and that the world does not revolve entirely around them. You're a person and you have the right to enjoy some of your own interests.
Of course some of your interests are great for sharing with your kids. You may have a hobby that you can work on together, and that's a wonderful thing.
3. Keep up on your skills for future employment.
Most stay at home parents aren't going to stay at home forever. Some will go back to work after just a year or two, others will wait until all the kids get into kindergarten, and still others will stay at home until all the children are adults.
Still, you can't assume that your situation now will last forever. Death, divorce and unemployment of your working spouse can be nasty surprises that mess with the best of your plans, and of course you need to think about your own eventual retirement. You don't want all of your work skills to be entirely out of date.
You have a number of options to cope with this. You can choose to work from home as you raise your kids, for example. Once you get things going, this has the advantage of bringing in more money while you're at home. The disadvantage is that it's not always easy to get started by either finding a legitimate home based job or by starting your own business, and it can take time away from your kids. It doesn't work out for everyone.
You can also take classes to keep up your work skills or build up skills for the career you'd like to have in the future. Having your last work experience be years back isn't going to look so good if you haven't done anything to improve your skills in the interim.
4. Make time for your marriage.
With so much of your day focused on the kids, it's easy to neglect your marriage. Don't.
Find a way to make date nights. If you have local, willing grandparents or other family, this may be easy. My husband and I had that for a long time, and it was wonderful, and we look forward to being able to move back near family someday to have it again.
Even without that, it's possible. You can pay a sitter, of course, or just take quiet time together after the kids are in bed. Even something as getting a movie off Netflix or from Redbox can give you some quiet couple time.
5. Encourage lots of independent play.
Children do not need you to guide their play at every minute. Playing with your children can be a wonderful thing, but they need to learn to play on their own and with other children. Find out where other kids of a similar age are in your neighborhood, and start encouraging appropriate friendships. This is also a great way to get more time for your own interests, as kids playing with friends may not need your attention as much, especially when you get to where you can take turns having the kids play at each others' homes.
How much independence you allow will depend on the age of your children and where you live. Some places you'll be safe to give more independence at a younger age than other places.
Plenty of outdoor play is important too. Fairly young children can be quite safe playing in a properly fenced backyard with little supervision, so long as there's no trouble such as a swimming pool or an unlatched gate for them to get into. Evaluate your own yard for when you think you can let your own kids play out there, and be aware of risks that can change, such as the gate not being quite properly latched.
6. Know your budget.
Finances can be a huge issue for single income families, and one of the biggest stresses overall. It's not always comfortable to realize you can't have all the things that would be possible in a dual income family, but you have to make it work.
This is why many at home parents are into coupon clipping, thrift store shopping and other ways to make the family income go farther. It's necessary. If you learn to enjoy it, this won't even be a bad thing. There's a thrill to finding a great bargain on something you need.
7. Get out of the house with the kids.
Just because you're a stay at home mom or dad doesn't mean you have to stay at home all day with the kids. You can take them out.
These don't have to be big outings. It can be as simple as a walk to a nearby playground, or as time consuming as a day trip to the museum. Just get out and enjoy what your community has to offer.
1. Work out a routine that works for you.
I'm not so much on the solid daily schedule thing, but it is a good idea to have a basic routine to your day, something you and the kids can count on. If you want a schedule because that's best for you, go for it.
There are times of day when you and your kids will prefer to eat, prefer to play, prefer to take a break, and so on. The better you can accommodate these preferences, the easier your day will usually go. Kids, especially toddlers and preschoolers, really need that routine to be comfortable and won't be happy if you take that away from them. Take advantage of that to ensure that there's time for your needs too.
For many at home parents, this will mean making time to get out of the house and with other adults, probably without the kids. The lack of social time with other adults is one of the hardest parts of being an at home parent. Make sure your routine includes time for you so that you don't feel as though your needs are always neglected.
2. Keep up with your own interests.
No matter how many kids you have at home with you, you aren't just a mom or a dad. You're a person with your own interests, and you should take time for them, whether it's taking a class or working on a hobby.
I consider this a very important example to show your children. They need to see that being a parent is not just about raising kids, and that the world does not revolve entirely around them. You're a person and you have the right to enjoy some of your own interests.
Of course some of your interests are great for sharing with your kids. You may have a hobby that you can work on together, and that's a wonderful thing.
3. Keep up on your skills for future employment.
Most stay at home parents aren't going to stay at home forever. Some will go back to work after just a year or two, others will wait until all the kids get into kindergarten, and still others will stay at home until all the children are adults.
Still, you can't assume that your situation now will last forever. Death, divorce and unemployment of your working spouse can be nasty surprises that mess with the best of your plans, and of course you need to think about your own eventual retirement. You don't want all of your work skills to be entirely out of date.
You have a number of options to cope with this. You can choose to work from home as you raise your kids, for example. Once you get things going, this has the advantage of bringing in more money while you're at home. The disadvantage is that it's not always easy to get started by either finding a legitimate home based job or by starting your own business, and it can take time away from your kids. It doesn't work out for everyone.
You can also take classes to keep up your work skills or build up skills for the career you'd like to have in the future. Having your last work experience be years back isn't going to look so good if you haven't done anything to improve your skills in the interim.
4. Make time for your marriage.
With so much of your day focused on the kids, it's easy to neglect your marriage. Don't.
Find a way to make date nights. If you have local, willing grandparents or other family, this may be easy. My husband and I had that for a long time, and it was wonderful, and we look forward to being able to move back near family someday to have it again.
Even without that, it's possible. You can pay a sitter, of course, or just take quiet time together after the kids are in bed. Even something as getting a movie off Netflix or from Redbox can give you some quiet couple time.
5. Encourage lots of independent play.
Children do not need you to guide their play at every minute. Playing with your children can be a wonderful thing, but they need to learn to play on their own and with other children. Find out where other kids of a similar age are in your neighborhood, and start encouraging appropriate friendships. This is also a great way to get more time for your own interests, as kids playing with friends may not need your attention as much, especially when you get to where you can take turns having the kids play at each others' homes.
How much independence you allow will depend on the age of your children and where you live. Some places you'll be safe to give more independence at a younger age than other places.
Plenty of outdoor play is important too. Fairly young children can be quite safe playing in a properly fenced backyard with little supervision, so long as there's no trouble such as a swimming pool or an unlatched gate for them to get into. Evaluate your own yard for when you think you can let your own kids play out there, and be aware of risks that can change, such as the gate not being quite properly latched.
6. Know your budget.
Finances can be a huge issue for single income families, and one of the biggest stresses overall. It's not always comfortable to realize you can't have all the things that would be possible in a dual income family, but you have to make it work.
This is why many at home parents are into coupon clipping, thrift store shopping and other ways to make the family income go farther. It's necessary. If you learn to enjoy it, this won't even be a bad thing. There's a thrill to finding a great bargain on something you need.
7. Get out of the house with the kids.
Just because you're a stay at home mom or dad doesn't mean you have to stay at home all day with the kids. You can take them out.
These don't have to be big outings. It can be as simple as a walk to a nearby playground, or as time consuming as a day trip to the museum. Just get out and enjoy what your community has to offer.
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